Coping With Difficult People: When the Others Are the Problem

I often hear a version of this in therapy:

“I’d be fine if it weren’t for them.”

The boss who criticizes no matter how hard you work.

The partner who shuts down when you need connection.

The parent or sibling who crosses boundaries again and again.

It can feel like no matter what you do, someone else’s words or behaviours are pulling the strings in your life. And sometimes, they really are the problem. Toxic workplaces, unfair dynamics, and hurtful relationships exist. Naming that reality matters. You don’t need to minimize your experience or blame yourself for situations that were never in your control.

But here’s the difficult truth: even when others are the problem, you’re still the one carrying the weight. You’re the one feeling anxious before work, replaying the argument at night, or bracing for the next disappointment.

Coping With Difficult People: When the Others Are the Problem by Angelica Esposito | EMDR Therapy in Burlington and virtually across Ontario

The Limits of Control

Therapy isn’t about pretending you can control other people—it’s about recognizing the limits of your control. We can’t rewrite someone else’s choices, but we can shift how much power their behavior has over our wellbeing.

This shift doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a gradual process of learning:

• Boundaries – Saying “no” when needed, and knowing you don’t have to explain or justify yourself.

• Discernment – Asking: Is this mine to carry, or is this theirs?

• Grounding – Building practices to steady yourself when someone else’s storm threatens to pull you in.

Why It’s So Hard

If setting boundaries were easy, everyone would do it. Many of us were raised to believe that keeping the peace is more important than protecting our energy. For newcomers to Canada, cultural expectations may add another layer—balancing old traditions with new norms. For others, past trauma may make saying “no” feel unsafe or even impossible.

This is why therapy can be so valuable. In a supportive space, you can explore not only the relationships that drain you, but also the deeper patterns that keep you stuck in them.

What Therapy Offers

When the others are the problem, therapy can help you:

• Untangle the guilt, anger, and sadness that come from difficult dynamics.

• Learn how to protect your sense of self even when others don’t change.

• Reconnect with your values, so you can choose responses aligned with who you want to be.

• Imagine a life where your energy isn’t constantly consumed by someone else’s behavior.

This doesn’t mean excusing others or minimizing harm. It means finding a different way forward—one that allows you to feel steady, free, and more in control of your own story.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

At AE Therapy in Burlington, I work with people who are navigating toxic relationships, workplace stress, and family conflict. Whether you’re dealing with a controlling boss, a difficult partner, or long-standing family struggles, you don’t have to keep carrying this weight alone.

🌿 Change begins with one step: recognizing that even if others don’t shift, you can.

If you’re ready to explore how therapy can help you cope with difficult people and reclaim your energy, I invite you to book a free consultation here.